It's only been a few days, but i really miss Scott right now. I could really use his support right now. Work has been challenging these past two days. I'm comfortable in the classroom, but it was only my second day today and i was already being put in completely independent positions without TOO MUCH guidance. The kids won't listen to me or respect me. They're very spoiled since it is a private school. I don't know how to get them to listen to me. I use my firm voice, but they just mock me. They're 3 years old, so what can i really do. I wish they were all like me when i was a kid.. scared of authority and obedient. I guess that's my problem--i'm just as self-centered as they are. I just don't want to say the wrong thing, or do the wrong thing. I'm not used to being my own boss, i'm used to having a boss tell me exactly what to do. When something goes wrong, i'm not used to being the one to pick up the pieces--it's usually me telling the boss what went wrong and them telling me how to fix it.
I'm scared. Sunday night, the night before i started my first day, i panicked a little because it was the start of not being able to stay up late until the weekends, when i'm already going to be used to sleeping early. It's the start of sleeping early, waking up early, no free choice to NOT go, and no real ability for vacation. This is it, i'm stuck. I miss how i got to choose my schedule in college and i can opt for no monday, wednesday, and friday classes like i did this past semester. I miss the convenience of everyone in close proximity. I miss the simplicity that college life brought to me.
Most of all, i miss Scott being in close proximity to me. I miss coming home to him after a long stressful day of work and having him hold me. I miss everything about college and it's simplicity i suppose. Scott seemed to make everything better always. How is it that one person can do that?! I remember when we first met and i hadn't a care in the world. Well, except for Aldene breaking up with me and crushing my heart. Other than that, i was really into my music, very into artistic things, wore crazy clothes, and would sing in the midst of the hallways and showers. That was the girl Scott met and fell in love with. Him.. he was so playful. The first day we met was when i went to my friend Alexa's room where he was hanging out looking for Alexa, who wasn't there. Her roommate was. I said my hello's and carried on. He later made Alexa and her roommate ask me to go to the dining hall so he can tag along and get to know me. Within 5 minutes we somehow knew of each other's recent breakups from long term relationships. I was still a tad upset, but moving on. He wanted me to cheer up so he picked me up and spun me around. I was confused and startled, and asked him what that was for. He said he wanted to spin my troubles away and that everyone could use a little pick-me-up to pretend you're child every once in a while.
I think it was at that very moment that i started to fall in love with him.
He made everything about the Aldene situation appear so miniscule and simple. We talked, we cried, and we laughed about both of our breakups. Being near him and being with him just felt so safe and made everything seem okay when it felt like my world was falling apart because of Aldene. He said i made him feel the same way too.
We were completely inseparable from there on out. He came up to my room every single night to make sure he said good night to me--We weren't even dating yet. Everyone knew we wanted to be with each other. We were the only ones that knew it wasn't a good idea at that moment. Obviously we were both still hung up on our ex's.
The last day of freshman year arrived and i don't know why, but i felt a sense of loss. It felt as though everything i learned about being independent, safe, and better was going to fall apart because i wouldn't see Scott for the entire summer. He promised he would visit, but he didn't. On that last day, he told me something i will never forget. He told me that when he first met me, he knew we would know each other for the rest of our lives because i made him feel something no one has ever made him feel. He didn't promise me a relationship, but he did promise me a long-lasting friendship. I teared up a little, and he saw that. So he picked me up like he did when we first met and spun me around to "shake those tears away and just be happy."
Couples always try to capture those feelings they felt when they first met or first started dating. When i started writing this blog, i meant to say that i wish i could feel all those feelings all over again because that is another thing i miss. But i'm now realizing that i still feel that way. I still feel so safe and incredibly happy when i'm with him, and still so incredibly lost without him. But the difference is i don't feel AS lost as i did before, and i feel EVEN MORE happy when i'm with him. He's my other half, anyone would feel lost without their other half. True, we've had our differences and after almost 3 years we tend to feel very distanced from each other when we're 5 inches from each other. But we really have grown into incredible people. I asked in my previous blog how i am supposed to "rekindle" our magic. I think i found that out. We both knew from the very start that we have and will continue to make a lasting impression on each other, something that no one will ever make us feel. And to this day, no one has ever made me feel what Scott makes me feel, and i'm sure the same applies to him. As long as i know that, and as long as i keep that with me, i'll never lose him and we'll never lose what we have. He loves me, I love him... no one can take that away from us. And even if they do, we'll find our way back to each other. We have something special, i'll never forget that.
Show us something you love but everyone else hates.
Submitted by AKA Vasquez.
It's so good in everything, and people are such haters. :D
Show us a smooch.
I arrived at the Sunshine Coast in Australia yesterday and i'm in love with it. I met some great people---this is what i enjoy about smoking cigarettes. It's a disgusting habit that must be done outside, which is where people are. Haha. I met the guys next door, and i love talking to them. They have amazing accents hahaha and such good stories!
One guy, Evan, is obsessed with Bam Margera and is so hilarious. He reminds me of Scott's friend, Jimmy. He's so funny. I met him when i smoked a cig outside yesterday and always start off my intro with "It's my first day in Australia" and they immediately are drawn haha.
Met another guy named Shay, who is from DC and goes to VTech. Very nice as well, talked to him mostly. He was very affected by the VTech tragedy because since he doesn't have a phone, he couldn't get in touch with his friends. The media covered him here and did so many articles on him when he didn't want that, he just wanted to know if his friends were ok. Him and evan gave me a glass of wine and i was drunk by 5pm. They invited me out to their friends' beach party, which i gladly accepted and told them to knock on my door when they're gonna go because i'm gonna take a nap. A nap turned into 7 hours of sleepytime hahaha. So i ended up missing that and i felt like a flake.
Met some other people just now when i went to smoke a cig. One of them is from Zimbabwe, the other is from Sweden. And i forgot their names cuz i'm real bad with names. But i did remember this one guy's name--Scooby. Because it's so unique and it reminds me of a certain spastic dog... but he's fun.
All in all, i'm going to like it here. The guys are going to invite me out tomorrow night because apparently thursdays are party nights. Who woulda known?? That's cool though. So i'm excited about that!
Pictures coming soon when i take some more good ones...the only ones i have now are of my airplane ride. BORING!
...and the plane takes off in about 7 hours and 28 minutes. That was hard math haha. It's now 1:28.
I really can't believe this is happening! I'm really going to Australia?! I've wanted to go to Australia for years now. I'm way stoked. This is going to be one helluvan adventure. I'll get to see Scott in about 18 days. EXCIITING! I'm gonna go to the beach every day since i'm gonna be in the Sunshine Coast by myself haha. LAME. I'm bringing my guitar too so i'm gonna hopefully be able to hit up some venues and perform :)
I'm wondering if there's anything in Australia equivalent to Mapquest here in the US. I also want to find open mic's to play at when i'm in Australia... that would be awesome =)
Anyways. Wish me luck! I'm so nervous. Hopefully i'll have internet access in my lameass 11 hour layover in LA.
What was your favorite TV season finale this year?
Submitted by Kristine.
Toss up. Between.... Veronica Mars, Lost, and Prison Break. I just love Lost though haha, so i think that would win. I dunno things were off with the Heroes season finale...it was weird. Not so climatic like i thought it'd be. Sylar lives...ooo. Who didn't see that coming? Momma Patrelli is the bad guy....i already knew this. Papa Simone is alive...but is he really? Did he go back in time..? So yeah i dunno i was confused and they told me things i already knew. And then Hiro ending up in 1600 Japan? That was funny, but it's not like "OH I CAN'T WAIT TIL NEXT SEASON TO SEE IF THE HUNS KILL HIM."
Lost was amazing... I dunno who's in the coffin, but i'm speculating that it's either Ben or Sawyer? I dunno. Or maybe someone we don't even know because they'll explain it later. Yo....fuck Naomi and her bullshit. Haha. Lame. And how did Penny get the signal? Charlie was one of my favorite characters, that sucks that they killed him off =( Maybe he won't really die. That one eyed patch guy never fuckin dies. For real.
Anyways i need food. PEACE!
Got my wisdom teeth taken out today. It was so fast and quick. I went in at 9:45, sat in the chair by about 10am, the last thing i remember saying was "I'm going to Australia next week..." and then i'm waking up at like 11am with people saying "You're all set!" And i have cotton in my mouth. I felt drunk and told everyone i loved them. I think i even asked the doctor if i can keep my wisdom teeth lmfao. I remember being like "Did you throw away my teeth? I want to keep them. Please!" And he's like "We had to throw it out for safety reasons." And i'm like "Boooooooooooo." Lol. I was in such pain earlier cuz my mom took forever to bring me my meds. But now it's only really my bottom left side that hurts. I got all four taken out. I had some Pho. And they said i can't have spicy stuff, but i made it spicy anyway. It didn't hurt at all. It wasn't bad at all.
Anyways, this past weekend, i worked at this Animal Planet Expo and i worked at the Bug House. It was soooo cool. I got to work with these animals.....
What words make you giggle (no matter how old you are)?
Submitted by Margurette.
Many words.
Are you taking a vacation this summer (or this season)? Where are you headed and who's going with you?
Yup. Going to Australia for a Study Abroad program. Taking 2 classes and gonna be traveling everywhere! My friend Mallory is gonna be in the same classes as me, i hope. So that'll be stellar. I'll also finally get to see my boyfriend after over four months, and it'll be glorious. We're going to travel everywhere during and after my classes =) I'm nervous for my entire trip, but it'll be great.
After Australia, i'm gonna go to Hawaii to visit my family for about a week and a half. =)
...I'M DONE WITH MY EXAMS!!!
In my head it matched along with the Avril song.... hahaha. Omg I'M DONE WITH JUNIOR YEAR. I'm gonna die, this means i'm old and i have just one more year left. And i'm still not even matured enough to be here. Hahaha. I realized this when we were at Cracker Barrel the other week and Chris goes "Aw a picture of a Cockerspaniel." And i giggle cuz i'm like... 5 years old and i say "Hahaha. cockerspaniel." Cuz i'm so funny.
Man i need to majorly clean my room too. It's a fuckin pigsty. And i need to glue my drawer back together. Yeah. IT FELL APART. What a sucky drawer, eh? I just have way too many clothes. I'm gonna try to sell them on Laundromatic. Woo. =)
Anyways... yeah. I wanna go swimming.